But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
