drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
