I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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