the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
