You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
