im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
