She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
