Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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