FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
