I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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