Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
