I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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