ugly people sure do ruin things
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Pooping to opera.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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