Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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