I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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