when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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