Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
