i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
