roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
