Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
