i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
