I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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