A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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