Me too!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
