I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
