i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
