I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
