he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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