You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
