dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
