She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
