i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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