I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
