I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
