before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
