I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
