i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
