Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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