If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
