i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
