i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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