I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
