Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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