peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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