Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
