my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
