You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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