I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
