This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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