so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
